The Bachelor Chronicles

Final Rose Ceremony

2006-02-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

I have to say, I’m shocked. SHOCKED.

I went to sleep shocked and I woke up shocked.

I had so much to say about the show as it was happening, but never mind that now … most of it was about how I get nothing more than a friend vibe from Travis and Sarah (either that’s true or ABC does some really good editing).

I do get why he chose her. Ultimately he’s an “in the box” guy and he needed to stay in his comfort zone. He said nothing to the effect of “I love you.” He’s the first Bachelor in history to not to do a “where are we now LIVE” show after (maybe Moana refused).

Moana presented more mystery, more intensity, more of a challenge in some ways, I guess, and Travis is an easy-living guy who ultimately probably can’t handle Moana. I wanted her to have him so badly—and now, after a night to really sit on it (remind me that I need a life if this is what keeps me up at night!) and think about things, I have decided that Travis is not right for Moana. She needs someone with more of an edge—ultimately Travis is too simple for her, though that may be what she is attracted to (one complex person in a relationship is enough).

I felt sick during the dinner with Moana and Trav’s parents—when they asked her why she was so into him … that moment of silence … it felt like forever! The tension! The discomfort! It was heart-wrenching. And why she couldn’t open up and tell them what she had been telling the camera is beyond me.

But Travis’s parents were, I think, a bit small-minded in their response. They mentioned that they’d asked the same questions to Sarah, who blabbed on and on, and they couldn’t understand why Moana had trouble with the same question. Well, Moana is a different person—she doesn’t need to have the same reaction.

I don’t know. But I felt the sting when Travis told Moana that what they had was a beautiful connection but just a French romance. And her cries in the car made me sick for her. I could feel her pain so deeply. And yet she held herself with such dignity and grace in the face of the guillotine. I can’t even imagine the miserable flight she must have had on the way home—and how she may, as she said, go back into her shell and withdraw and not open up.

Moana, please don’t do that! Come back as the Bachelorette!

The Women Tell All!

2006-02-23T14:44:00.000-05:00

I have been waiting for this episode ever since Miss Reproduction accosted Travis and lost her mind on national television. I was dying to see her explain herself. And I was gravely disappointed when she “declined” to show up. Could ABC have planted her for good TV? I don’t know. But I am suspicious.

Speaking of suspicious, that Susan could not catch a break. I admit, I was the first one to doubt her while she was all “I’m a smitten kitten” on the show, but her tears and sadness when everyone talked about how she was using The Bachelor to get noticed for her acting ... I don’t know. Maybe I’m a sucker, but I kind of bought it. Though her feelings for Travis could have been very real, I do think she is dying for publicity.

The biggest troublemaker was swimsuit model Jennifer, who really needs to look at herself before she puts everyone else down. Typical sign of insecurity. She had a bit too much to say, I noticed. It was grating on my nerves. She’s scratching-a-blackboard painful. (But she wasn’t nearly as loud as Tara’s top! Sorry ... couldn’t resist.)

And seeing these girls now with their pissy faces and judgments galore, it just made me love Moana all the more. I am so hoping she gets the final rose next week.

Episode 6

2006-02-14T16:32:00.000-05:00

The overnight dates! And you know he’s hittin’ it with at least two of them (not so sure kindergarten-teaching Sarah will put out, being the nice Southern girl that she is). I was rooting big-time for Moana—so glad she got a rose! I love how she coincidentally was in Venice and started speaking Italian (that was such a setup). But seriously, their time together was the most natural and sexy, by far. When they were leaning against each other on the gondola, I could so feel their connection. And good for her, telling him that she understands if he abuses the fantasy suite with the other two. So cool of her … because in a situation like The Bachelor, what guy wouldn’t “be intimate” with all three girls—it’s vital to see if you have a physical connection with someone before you move to the next level.

Speaking of next level … Sarah. They have no chemistry, no passion. Their kisses were melba-toast dry with sugar-free, fat-free vanilla on the side. He barely even moved his lips. Forget it. They were in Austria, but she was not having any of his Wiener schnitzel. I get that he’s attracted to what she represents: motherhood, stability, strong family background, all the things a Nashville boy is supposed to want. But with Moana, there is energy, excitement, passion—and I’m sure she’d be a great mother one day.

That Susan, thank God she left. I wasn’t buying any of her act … Oh, Travis, I’m falling in love with you. Travis, I would never be the kind of person who agrees with everything you say just so you can hear what you want to. Travis, I am not using this to get exposure for acting. Though their kisses in the hot tub were steamy, there is something about her that is just not to be trusted. Even in her sob-heavy limo-ride-back-to-the-airport-confessional, all she talked about was how she was dumped, not about any true feelings. Her ego was so wrapped up in things that I didn’t feel there was any room for her heart (someone shoot me with a line that cheesy).

We’ll see what she has to say next week, when the women tell all!

Episode 5

2006-02-07T15:21:00.000-05:00

Hometown dates! It seems like it all happened so fast. So let’s start with Moana. She is growing on me more and more. I find her to be so raw, so real. I like her edge. I’m not sure I see her with Travis, but I like what they seem to have going on. But her dad! He must get a grip. I get that he’s skeptical and all, but come on—he could be civil. He is, after all, on television. You’d think he’d have some decency. Watching Moana’s family with Travis was painful—they so ran him into the ground. They didn’t even give him a hug good-bye. How rude.

Her video message at the end of the show was so emotional. My fiancé, Todd, who watched with me (he loves to say he doesn’t like the show, and yet he refused to answer his phone when it rang during the rose ceremony) thought she might be unstable, but I think she’s just being open. Not sure if Travis can handle that, though. I get the feeling he likes things to be easy.

Anyway, on to Canada Sarah. She’s cute and all, but way too young. The way she kept bringing up “what’s going on at the house” and Moana reeked of immaturity. And then it was revealed that she lives at home—and her mom still pays her phone bill. Call me crazy, but that’s the last thing I could imagine a 33-year-old doctor wanting out of a woman. Besides, her eyebrows need a desperate makeover.

Nashville Sarah—I have to say, I was surprised that she got a rose at the end. They seemed to have zero passion or romantic chemistry. It was such a “friend” vibe. Their kiss seemed so forced, as if he felt like he had to. Their hugs were more “what’s up, buddy” than “damn ….”

And then there was Susan. I must ask—do her parents dislike her? Her mother was passive-aggressively making digs at her daughter to Travis … after she called Susan out and mentioned that maybe she was doing it because she could—and who cares if it doesn’t work out because she meets lots and lots of guys and doesn’t get hooked easily. And then her father was questioning whether or not she was using this as an opportunity to get noticed. And truth be told, I think she does want to just get noticed. She even confessed to her father that she would do anything she could to get ahead with her acting “career.”

But Travis is so taken by her, at least physically. You know he’s just dying to get her into the fantasy suite, which I’m so excited for next week!

Episode 4

2006-01-31T16:56:00.000-05:00

The backstabbing, bad-mouthing, and twisted jealousy were in full force last night, and the anti-Moana sentiment went through the roof. And the truth is, I think Moana is the only real person in the house. Her whole “I don’t chase guys” cool stance in the beginning? Clearly a defense mechanism, masking her insecurity. And the way she honestly opened herself to Travis, telling him about her difficult childhood and the fact that she truly feels safe with him was endearing, honest, real. I have respect for that.

God, and the way Tara’s mouth fell to the floor when Travis gave the last rose to Moana. Priceless! I know I’ve said I think Tara is adorable over and over—and she is—but she has a lot of growing up to do. She is young, and it shows, especially when she whispered the “someone is trying to fool with your head” warning to Travis after getting the heave-ho.

If someone did that to me, I’d question the person whispering the news to me more than the person she whispered about. Travis is no dummy. He’ll figure out what’s real and what’s not. I have a feeling Moana will go to the Fantasy Suite—but Travis will get his fill of her, and then the final two will be Sarah and Susan.

I wasn’t surprised that Travis didn’t give Jehan a rose. He was clearly taken aback by her confession (she was married at 25, and it turned out the guy duped her to get a green card). But I find that a bit judgmental. It shouldn’t matter if someone got hitched at a young age, realized a mistake, and then grew from it. When he didn’t give her the rose on the one-on-one date and then asked her to stay anyway so he could have more of a chance to get to know “the other girls” (read: not her!), it was the beginning of the end of that relationship.

Not sure how I feel about Travis yet—is he truly looking for “the one,” or is he just charming and gorgeous, not really ready for the real deal? And if he was looking for the real deal, are any of these girls that? I am just not getting the sense of the Trista-Ryan-level of connection here. Call me crazy.

Yet I cannot wait for the hometown dates. By the look of the scenes, it will be juicy!

Episode 3

2006-01-24T15:43:00.000-05:00

Judgment Day: Trav’s friends have arrived to choose who’s getting the one-on-one action. And it cracked me up that they gave the girls a box of engagement rings and asked them to pick the ring they liked as a test. There were three rings—small, medium, and rock. And none of the girls wanted to seem gold-diggery and go for the big hunka love … except Moana. Gotta love a girl who can admit that size does matter (it does … we all know it, so why pretend?).

Oh, and then they asked the girls to display their talent. We had a breakdancer, a fist in a mouth, and Jennifer showing off her body (it is a talent, she said). But Susan won them over, of course. She’s by far the best-looking. And their date was a sweet night of Gay Paree, eating under the stars with a view of the Eiffel Tower—that is, after they found their way driving in what looked like the popemobile. Susan spent the night fawning, but back at the house the girls questioned her motives (apparently she wants to move to L.A. to become an actress).

Not sure where I stand on this, but I’m loving how Moana is being set up as the bad guy. She is the only girl who isn’t acting like a desperate fool over Travis, and that makes them all question whether or not she’s in it for real. Truth is, after only a few meetings with someone, it’s a little funky to be all in love the way the rest of the pack is acting, so I’m kind of feeling Moana right now, even if she is a bit of a beeyatch.

Loved the big group date on the Diddy yacht, where the true reason this group of girls was chosen for the show was revealed—the bikini bodies. Now, you know I love Tara and think she’s the cutest lil’ thing, but her green hoochie cheese dress for the night of gambling has got to go. No sophistication. No class. No chic. And she keeps setting herself up to look ridiculous by busting up all of Travis’s one-on-one time with the competition.

She did it last week when T was giving Susan a birthday cake, and she did it this week when T was chatting up Nashville Sarah, who is grating on my nerves, the way she keeps aggressively telling him how much they have in common. Tara was bad-mouthing Sarah, saying she’s not his type (as if she really knows his type). Then our fiery redheaded friend made things worse by asking Travis what he would do with the rose (he gets to give one on the group date, which, incidentally, was a sleepover on the yacht that ended with Moana cuddling up with him in the a.m. and delivering coffee in a very sweet, natural way; she, of course scored the bud).

I was sure she’d get the boot at the rose ceremony, but he sent Shiloh packing (she was rather badly behaved on the group date, trying to put other girls down and play the gossip … don’t these girls learn from past shows that that isn’t sexy?). Anyway, on the third date of the hour, it was Sarah and Jennifer to the wilderness for camping, Travis’s favorite pastime. I loved that date, so much more real than the yacht (don’t get me wrong, I love the glamour, but camping is way more intimate).

It was clear that he’d send Jennifer home (her fear of bugs was driving him nuts, and the way she went on and on about how they could learn from each other’s differences clearly made him gag; he gave her the same pained look he flashed Kristen when she read her Dr. Seuss–like poetry). When he finally spent the rest of the night with Sarah, it was kind of adorable. I love the way he kissed her—by giving her the shhh sign with his finger over his lips and then going in for the kill. Even my knees got weak. Yum.

Did I mention yet that the man is hot?

End of the show, he toasted the girls and confessed to the camera that his future wife could be in that room. I’m not holding my breath. I’ve heard that line from many a bachelor. But I’ll be tuning in next week to see if Moana’s attitude rears its ugly head.

Episode 2

2006-01-17T14:16:00.000-05:00

When we last left our hero, he was throwing “reproductive” Allie out the door and toasting the remaining girls. Last night, the estrogen Mafia moved into a lovely French manor and prepared for group dates, or, in Kristen’s case, the chopping block.

She, who received the last rose the week before, got the individual date and got the sexy-ball rolling with a rhyming poem (YIKES!) about being on the boat on the River Seine. (It was too painful for me to rewind and listen a few times to get all the exact words for you.) Poor Travis–he thanked her, hoping it would be over mid-poem, and then she rattled on again. (He had the same horrified look on his face as he did when Allie was accosting him after she got dumped.) And then she went for the old orange-slice-faux-teeth trick. Travis pulled the “no romantic spark but you’re the sweetest” line to give her the shaft. But I guess I knew she’d be a wreck when she suggested making toilet paper bridal gowns for the bachelorettes back at the manor, while Travis was on his first group date.

So on to the first group date. That Yvonne was a nightmare–talking about how she could never give up shopping and referring to Gucci tents for camping. Label whoring on a first date does not a good impression make! Then she went on to ask about what the rose was doing there in front of all the girls, as if he’d say, “Oh, it’s for you, my sweet.” But it went to church-loving Jehan, who had the romantic moment of the show, cuddling under a fur throw, sipping champagne in the rain. (I melt).

But I just don’t get how she could look the camera in the lens with a straight face (during a confessional) and say that she’d want him to propose to her at the end. She just met him last week! Meanwhile, back at the house, we learned that Susan likes to have her hair pulled, and Tara gets turned on by baby oil–and enjoys flicking a man’s nipples. Do they not realize the camera is rolling? OY!

I did love that saucy little Tara in her micro-shorts and high boots, pulling Travis aside for a one-on-one before he offered the rose, which went to her. I wonder if she would have gotten it had she not been so aggressively cute on the second group date (Champagne Region). And the seeds were planted that Moana is in it for all the wrong reasons. (The scenes showed the girls talking about how she just wants fame because she wants to be an actress–and that she’s quite iffy about Travis.)

Back at the cocktail party, pre-rose ceremony, nerves were on edge. Travis pulled beautiful Susan aside to present her with a birthday cake (so delish of him), and just as he was about to kiss her, in walks Tara and Jehan, acting all innocent about looking for him but looking pathetically desperate (they had roses already). Travis politely put them in their place by telling them that they had their roses and that this night is not about them but about the other women he needs to spend more time with. Ouch! They’re on the chopping block for weeks ahead. Mark my words.

Travis had a “cheek-out” session with Sarah (translation: making out by touching cheeks) because he didn’t want to be “that guy” who kisses everyone (read: Bachelor Bob). Such a gentleman. As the rose ceremony took place, tears were shed. Buh-bye, Yvonne and see ya later, Cole. (I knew Cole was leaving when she told Travis that she’s really into him, and he only replied with “you’re sweet”–the kiss of death in dating talk.)

The drama is beginning. The game is on.

I am hedging my final-two bets on Susan and Sarah, right now. We’ll see.

Episode 1: In the Beginning...

2006-01-10T13:32:00.000-05:00

I was going to start commenting about The Bachelor in chronological order. But I can’t. I have got to get right down to Allie. Good Lord! She may have had me at hello but she lost me at “reproductive.” She may be ready for babies but what on earth makes her think that a guy would want to keep her around when she says, “I’m ready for the next phase of my life… the reproductive phase.” In that slight pause, I thought she might have said, “relationship.” But “reproductive phase?” I know she’s a doctor and probably used to such biological terminology, but come on, woman, get a grip!

And to watch her flip out on poor Travis afterwards. “What is it about me? You don’t find me attractive? I’m too short. Small boobs. What?” I felt sick for him. She was going on and on about how men are intimidated by a woman who has it together and, yet, the only thing she could think of that was wrong with herself was what she looked like. She reeked of insecurity. I can only imagine her interview phases with ABC—at first, she probably seemed perfect. She’s cute—and an oncologist! But the minute she revealed her crumbling emotional state and the fact that her “eggs are rotting,” the execs must have been like, “You’re in.”

Amazing TV moment in Bachelor history.

Now, on to Travis. Can I just say? HE IS HOT! I mean crazy gorgeous, absolutely adorable, and deliciously sexy. That jaw line. Those dimples. The smile. BODY! I’d want to get sick just so I could get him to put a stethoscope on my chest. (Sorry, Todd. FYI, Todd is my fiancée, who, for the record, is crazy-sexy-gorgeous hot and delish.) But Travis seems too perfect. Smart. (He went to Duke). Athletic. An MD. (He can write prescriptions!) In a way, he reminds me–at least physically–of a very evil ex-boyfriend who charmed me right into his fantasy suite and then turned into the worst, most miserable guy with an awful, anti-women mean streak.

I’m just wondering, when I look at Travis, could he actually be that perfect? He does seem to like the younger girls. (Canadian Sarah, who got the mid-party rose was all of 24 and so giggly that I wanted to shoot her. Though, she is cute, I must admit, and she does like camping, which is a plus for Travis. However, I have a feeling that she’s this season’s version of Sarah “People hate me because I’m beautiful,” circa Bachelor Charlie.) I thought for sure he was giving that single rose to Susan, who is drop-dead gorgeous and quite poised. At least she was poised until she said she was envious of Sarah.

I was shocked when he gave a rose to beauty pageant, overly-curled-hair Kristen. (There were so many other choices I would have gone for, had I been the Bachelor.) Didn’t she give him that stupid shot glass, or am I confusing her with someone else? Travis made me crack up when he recommended The Bachelor experience to all men in America. I love the Paris setting–and from the looks of the scenes for the rest of the season, this is perhaps, the cattiest Bachelor yet! I can’t tell yet who I have my bets on yet, but I can’t wait for next week.

Let the competition begin!

A Fond Bachelor Memory...

2005-12-19T19:39:00.000-05:00

To set the scene: It was the final three of the Byron season. I was having a lovely, romantic dinner with my fiancé (well, at the time, he was my boyfriend) in a chic little hotel in Boston. We took a few days off from life to get away. Wine was consumed. Oysters were shared. Love was declared. And toward the end of my meal, I got anxious. My legs started shaking out of control. I kept looking at my watch instead of into his insanely hazel eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Todd asked me, seemingly worried that I was suddenly not okay.

I was afraid to tell him the truth, so I shrugged my shoulders.

He pressed on. He could tell I was hiding something.

“Okay, but don’t get mad,” I said finally. “The Bachelor is on in a few minutes. And I have to know who’s going back to the Fantasy Suites.”

There I was in the middle of my own love story, and all I could do was think about the one about to unfold on TV. It was at that moment I realized I’m addicted to The Bachelor. I know, I know. It sounds pathetic. But I’m a die-hard romantic, and while I had found the man of my dreams, I needed to watch Byron find the woman of his dreams. I just had to. I didn’t want to read about it the next day on the Internet, even if it meant denying myself a fabulous hour with Todd.

A totally understanding gentleman, he wasn’t offended, angry, or upset. In fact he was supportive. “I understand. This is your Super Bowl. Go to the room and I’ll meet you in a few,” he said. I’m sure most women would have stayed in the restaurant with him, sipping coffee, feeding each other crème brûlée. But I grabbed that key card and bolted to the room faster than you can say, “Will you accept this rose?”

That may be just one of the reasons I’m marrying him. That and the fact that he came upstairs, watched with me, and got just as into it as I did (even though he likes to pretend he doesn’t care).

Byron is the only Bachelor thus far who I believe was really looking for love. There is something about an older Bachelor that is just more believable than a 20-something looking for as much hot-tub action as possible. Actually, Andrew was sincere. And I hated the way Jen handled herself on The Bachelorette—especially after the show. I am dying for a new Bachelorette. What about Chrystalis or Chrysalee, the one Charlie let down last season? I thought she handled her rejection like a mensch.

Anyway, I cannot wait to see what Travis has to say for himself … and whom he’ll send home, brokenhearted.